“Not all librarians are evil cultists. Some librarians are instead vengeful undead who want to suck your soul.”
Alcatraz Smedry is back with a new mission!
The Evil Librarians are still up to their antics and it’s up to Alcatraz Smedry to put a stop to it! This second book will take Alcatraz and company on an exploration of the Library of Alexandria, which — despite Librarian rumors — was never destroyed. It is a mysterious place and everyone knows that it holds dark secrets. Can Alcatraz, with his talent for breaking things, break into this secret world? Or will the Evil Librarians once again prevail?
Once again with the interrupting! Alcatraz you BUMBLING IDIOT! Ok, he isn’t that bad. He’s actually pretty funny. Like this story he wrote in the middle of the adventure:
“Once there was a bunny. This bunny had a birthday party. It was the bestest birthday party ever. Because that was the day the bunny got a bazooka.
THe bunny loved his bazooka. He blew up all sorts of things on the farm. He blew up the stable of Henrietta the Horse. He blew up the pen of Pugsly the Pig. He blew up the coop of Chuck the Chicken.
“I have the bestest bazooka ever,” the bunny said. Then the farm friends proceeded to beat him senseless and steal his bazooka. It was the happiest day of his life.
Epilogue: Pugsly the Pig, now without a pen, was quite annoyed. When none of the others were looking, he stole the bazooka. He tied a bandana on his head and swore vengeance for what had been done to him.
“From this day on,” he whispered, raising the bazooka, “I shall be known as Hambo.”
Anyway. What did I think of the book?
I liked it, of course!
No Seriously, how was it?
It was awesome. I may like Brandon to stick with writing fantasy novels. Or dystopian. But he is actually decently good at writing fantasy stories for younger children.
“Personally, I say, “Out of the frying pan and into the deadly pit filled with sharks who are wielding chainsaws with killer kittens stapled to them.” However, that one’s having a rough time catching on.”
“Personally, I like it much better when someone else does the decision making. That way you have legitimate grounds to whine and complain. I tend to find both whining and complaining quite interesting and amusing, though sometimes–unfortunately–it’s hard to choose which one of the two I want to do.
Sigh. LIfe can be so tough sometimes.”
“Regardless, I often wish that the two groups – adults and kids – could find a way to get along better. Some sort of treaty or something. The biggest problem is, the adults have one of the most effective recruitment strategies in the world.
Give them enough time, and they’ll turn any kid into one of them.”
“People don’t read anymore. And, when they do, they don’t read books like this one, but instead read books that depress them, because those books are seen as important. Somehow, the Librarians have successfully managed to convince most people in the Hushlands that they shouldn’t read anything that isn’t boring.
It comes down to Biblioden the Scrivener’s great vision for the world — a vision in which people never do anything abnormal, never dream, and never experience anything strange. His minions teach people to stop reading fun books, and instead focus on fantasy novels. That’s what I call them, because these books keep people trapped. Keep them inside the nice little fantasy that they consider to be the ‘real’ world. A fantasy that tells them they don’t need to try something new.
After all, trying new things can be difficult.
“Adults are not idiots
often in books such as this one, the opposite impression is given. Adults in those stories will either (a) get captured, (b) disappear conspicuously when there is trouble, or (c) refuse to help.
( im not sure what authors have against adults, but everyone seems to hate them to an extent usually reserved for dogs and mothers. Why else make them out to make such idiots? “Ah look, the dark lord of evil has come to attack the castle! Annnd. ther’s my lunch break. Have fun saving the word on your own kids”)
In the real world adults tend to get involved in everything whether you want them to or not. They won’t disappear when the dark lord appears, though they may try to sue them.
This discrepancy is yet another proof that most books are fantasies while this book is utterly true and invaluable.
you see in this book, I will make it completely clear that adults are not idiots.
they are however hairy
Adults are like hairy kids who like to tell other what to do. Dispite what other books may claim they do have their uses, they can reach things on high shelves for instance…
Where to find this funny book?
*If you are unaware, I have a video on how to use Indie Bound as a resource on how to find books
**Also, if you have a Windows Phone, there is a really good EPUB reader app called Bookviser Reader. You can check out their website here.
ALSO PLEASE VOTE FOR ME HERE.
Happy Reading . . .
By the way . . .
Have you ever wondered the science behind the Smedry Talents? Here is an excerpt from the book that should suffice.
“There have been a lot of Smedries over the centuries,” he said, “and a lot of Talents. Many of them tend to be similar, in the long run. There are four kinds: Talents that affect space, time, knowledge, and the physical world.”
“Take my talent, for instance,” he continued. “I change things in space. I can get lost, then get found again.”
“What about grandpa Smedry?”
“Time,” Kas said. “He arrives late to things. Australia, however, has a Talent that can change the physical world–in this case, her own shape. Her Talent is fairly specific, and not as broad as your grandfather’s. For instance, there was a Smedry a couple of centuries back who could look ugly any time he wanted, not just when he woke up in the morning. Other have been able to change anyone’s appearance, not just their own. Understand?”
I shrugged. “I guess so.”
“The closer the Talent gets to its purest form, the more powerful it is,” Kaz said. “Your grandfather’s Talent is very pure–he can manipulate time in a lot of different circumstances. Your father and I have very similar Talents–I can get lost and Attica can lose things–and both are flexible.”
“What about Sing?” I asked.
“Tripping. That’s what we call a knowledge Talent–he knows how to do something normal with extraordinary ability. Like Australia, though, his power isn’t very flexible.”
I nodded slowly. “So…what does this have to do with me?”
“Well, it’s hard to say,” Kaz said. “You’re getting into some deep philosophy now, kid. There are those who argue that the Breaking Talent is simply a physical-world Talent, but one that is very versatile and very powerful.
There are others who argue that the Breaking Talent is much more. It seems to be able to do things that affect all four areas.
Legends say that one of your ancestors–one of only two others to have this Talent–broke time and space together, forming a little bubble where nothing aged.
Other records speak of breakings equally marvelous. Breakings that change people’s memory or their abilities. What is it to ‘break’ something? What can you change? How far can the Talent go?”