Read the Draft

My book is way too long to put in text format here, so below is a version you can download. Just click on the link.

Starblood by Serene Haroon – Draft 1

Comments

My oldest cousin decided to give me a couple tips on how to improve what I have.

  1. Don’t start with a rhetorical question, that makes it boring
  2. Contradiction of the “No Rules” thing – I think the everyone for themselves is a cool idea
  3. This is not a movie script, this is a book. Needs more thoughts/feelings (how does Saphira feel about being called “you”? How does she feel about Lord Shaxx?)
  4. Saphira is low class – this means she should not have access to higher equipment. Elaborate on how she a. feels about this and b. how she acquired her watch.
  5. Expand the 1st chapter into 3 chapters
    1. The Note (describe character, house, etc.)
    2. The City (describe the city and going to the square)
    3. Meeting Kadi (describe Lord Shaxx, the Square, and meeting Kadi)
  6. Elaborate more on how Safi is an Earthling and being an outcast
  7. More description/imagery: appearances; dress choices; race; nationality (you can make it up) (you can also base it off of real people); the reader needs to see the character;
  8. Italicize thoughts – this can make it clear about what the character is thinking

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